I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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