Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
