i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
