Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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