Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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