what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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