You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
