Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
