i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
