dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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