I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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