I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
please come you make the beer taste better
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
