Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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