if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
