just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
