Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
