Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
