Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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