I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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