Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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