I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm eating all of the evidence.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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