He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
