Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Randomize
