arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dicks are not precious.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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