Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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