Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
