Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
