Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
