she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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