if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
