I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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