Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
