i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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