I want to stick my p in your. b.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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