Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
