when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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