I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
