a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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