I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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