Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
