She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
