just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
