I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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