she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
