Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
My balls are so social today.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Drunk walkin through police station. America
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
