i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
