I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
