I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Life is so much better after having sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
