JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
