people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
