bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
