I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize