Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
