I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
