What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize