Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
