Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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