If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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