The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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