my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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