As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
