I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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