You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
