Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
