If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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