I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
