He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
