I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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