I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
