U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
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