it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
