Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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