with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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