**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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