You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
