for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
