I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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