Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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