My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize