Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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