You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
