He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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