I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
