I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
