Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
A bitchslap is in order.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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