he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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