I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
