and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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