Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize