did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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