I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
