I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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