ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
