She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
