Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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