No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just gift wrapped bread.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
