I just saw a hot homeless man
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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