it wasn't lemon gatorade
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
