So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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