Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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