Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Boobs are out for the taking
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
