I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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