PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
