you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I did not marry a roomba.
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