I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
