For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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