He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
