Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
