woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
