Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
