My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
