R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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