Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
